In the weeks following the crucifixion and resurrection, Jesus made a bit of a habit of showing up unannounced. I’ve often pondered the “why” of these encounters. As we discussed last week, I really believe these encounters are about Jesus giving his disciples what they need in order to carry on his message and ministry.
And yet, I marvel at just how many times he had to show up in order to get the point across. How many times does Jesus have to make an appearance in order for the disciples to get it? How many times does he have to give them instructions? Why do we have so many post-resurrection accounts?
Well, I think the answer really is simple. It’s what the disciples needed. Jesus knew what they needed in order to continue his work and he provided it. Last week, they needed proof, peace, and provisions- they needed to know that Jesus had been resurrected, they needed peace, and they needed the gift of the holy spirit to keep on doing Jesus’ work. Thomas needed Jesus to show up again to help him move forward. And now we have Peter who needs an encounter with the resurrected Christ in order to take his next steps.
If you’ll recall, Peter was the one who denied knowing Jesus. He repeatedly said he didn’t know Jesus. He denied him 3 times.
In this story, Peter is one of a group of disciples who decides that maybe returning to fishing might be the better plan. They return to Galilee and get back to work with boats and nets. But, as usually happens when we’re ignoring what we’re supposed to be doing, the fishing expedition does not go well. They go out into the boat, they drop their nets, and nothing…no fish.
They try all night to no avail and are making their way back to the shore- probably to rest before trying again- when they see someone on the beach. The shadowed figure tells them to cast the net on the other side of the boat, and despite their exhaustion and frustration, they give it one more shot. And their nets come up overflowing.
It’s in that moment that the Beloved Disciple (AKA John, the author of this gospel, of course, he calls himself beloved), realizes that the figure is that of Jesus himself.
And Peter jumps out of the boat and hurries to shore where Jesus is waiting with a fire so they can all cook and eat breakfast together. Now maybe this is supposed to remind us of the first time Jesus told the disciples to put down their nets and become fishers of men. Or maybe it’s a reminder of the feeding of the 5000 when the loaves and fishes were enough for the crowd. Either way, the disciples are very clear that Jesus is there with them. In fully physical, fish cooking, breakfast eating form. And after breakfast is over, Jesus’ focus turns to Peter. It’s Peter’s turn to have a one-on-one chat with the resurrected Christ.
Now, I’m guessing Peter had a lot of complicated feelings about the crucifixion and resurrection. He had to feel quite a bit of guilt for publicly denying Jesus just as Jesus had predicted. He was also probably embarrassed, and yes, probably still frightened for his own safety. Returning to fishing and leaving it all behind likely seemed like a really good idea. I’m a little surprised that Peter was first out of the boat and to shore. I really would have thought he’d be too embarrassed or ashamed to see Jesus in person after having denied him. But I think his excitement at seeing Jesus again overruled any fear or embarrassment.
And Jesus was exactly as we’d expect. Kind, generous, forgiving. And he asked Peter the same question three times “Do you love me?” Three times Peter had denied him, so three times Jesus asks Peter to reaffirm his faith and love. And Peter says yes every time. Jesus didn’t care that Peter had been scared. He didn’t care that Peter had denied him. He had a job for Peter to do and that job did not involve fishing. Jesus wanted Peter to care for his sheep- to tend to his flock. Peter’s doubt didn’t change his calling.
Peter’s doubt did not change his calling.
I think it’s really easy to think that our little failings and foibles disqualify us from doing God’s work. It’s easy to think, “well I screwed up that one time, so God doesn’t want me.” Or to believe that we aren’t young enough, smart enough, or important enough to do God’s work in the world. We focus on the times we’ve fallen short or the times we’ve denied our own relationship with God and convince ourselves that we aren’t worthy of whatever calling is out there for us.
But I don’t think that’s how God works. And that’s definitely not how Jesus works. Time and time again we are shown moments where Jesus hangs out with sinners, tax collectors, sex workers, shepherds, fishermen- whoever! Again and again, the authority figures told Jesus who was deserving of his attention. The rule-makers ruled as to who God loved and who was allowed to serve God. But that’s not who Jesus chose.
So of course Jesus found a way to help Peter forgive himself- three affirmations to replace three denials. Three professions of love. Three promises to tend to Jesus’ flock.
But here’s the thing that baffles me still. Even though Jesus had clearly forgiven him and had clearly chosen him to continue Jesus’ work. Peter still never thought himself worthy. Jesus called him his rock and promised that he would be an important part of the church to come. And Peter still didn’t believe he was worthy! Whenever the disciples are listed in Matthew, Mark, Luke, or Acts? Peter is listed first. He’s included in all of the major moments during Jesus life and he is given this special moment post-resurrection.
After this encounter, Peter would indeed work to extend Jesus’ work. He became a leader in the post-resurrection community and was a fixture of the early church. He preached to the samaritans, healed a paralized man, cured Tabitha, and welcomed gentiles into the church- accepting them without circumcision. Peter was a force. And even when he had been arrested, an “angel of the lord” visited him and set him free. Peter is credited with the founding of the church in Rome. And yet, legend states that when he was crucified, he asked to be crucified upside down because he did not feel worthy of the same death as that of Jesus. He never did feel worthy- even despite Jesus calling him so.
I have to wonder, what would it take to feel worthy of Jesus’s love?
It’s so easy to feel unlovable and unworthy of love. We are bombarded by media messages, images, and words that tell us everything that is wrong with us. And if we can’t believe we are lovable- that our friends and family don’t love us enough to accept us? It’s not a stretch to feel unworthy of Jesus’ love. Of God’s love.
But Jesus refuses to let Peter believe these lies. Jesus refuses to let us believe these lies. No matter what we have done, no matter who we are, we are worthy of God’s love. Jesus makes that clear- he forgave Judas, he was patient with Thomas, and he had breakfast with Peter offering him peace and purpose.
And that is the good news. Jesus offers us peace and purpose- just as he offered it to Peter. All we have to do is say yes. Even if we have to be asked more than once, we simply need to say yes to God’s love- to Christ’s love.
We must always remember that we are loved and lovable. Accepted and acceptable. Just as we are.