My Dad, Judas

Delivered at the Maundy Thursday service at Central Congregational Church in Galesburg, IL

I grew up in two small towns in rural Kentucky. The first, Carrollton, was the home of myGrandmother’s church.She was an elder there, as was my grandfather. My mother was dedicated, baptized, and married there, and so was I. This beautiful church, CarrolltonChristian Church (Disciples of Christ), was where I learned everything about church. And it was where my my family attended Maundy Thursday services every year until I was about 10 years old. Maundy Thursday was one of my favorite services of the year, and I always looked forward to the service.

In Carrollton, they arrange a long table Every year, my dad would wrap himself in this mustard yellow bathrobe, put together a small bag of 30 quarters, and he would join the disciples on stage. And halfway through the service, after Jesus had washed the disciples feet, my father would betray him.at the front of the sanctuary and fill it with goblets of wine (maybe juice), loaves of bread, grapes and other fruits, and candles. The men of the church- everyone's fathers and uncles- gather around it in bathrobes and homemade costumes and portray the last supper. When I was a kid, Ira Louden was always Jesus, Jim Monk was James, my cousin uncle Sam was the servant who carried the water pitcher and sat the table, and my dad-- my dad was Judas.

As I grew older, I began to get a clearer understanding of how theatre works, how acting works, and how characters we portray might not reflect the people we actually are. But my very young self struggled with the notion that my dad betrayed Jesus. Seeing this story acted out year after year, gave me a growing understanding of this story from John- I began to understand Jesus’ relationship with his disciples. I understood the intimacy of the washing of the disciples feet, and now, as an adult, I realize I was also learning compassion for Judas. Watching my father, a man I deeply loved and admired (and still do) portray someone who has been hated, disregarded, and even had his suicide celebrated helped me learn compassion for Judas.

On a night where we celebrate the communion meal that was inaugurated by Jesus, when we discuss foot washing, when we talk about passover and seder- why am I focused on Judas? Because I think we, as a society at large, have lost our ability to show compassion for those who disappoint us.

Judas is a disappointment in this story. The translation read tonight even goes so far as to say that Satan entered him. I’m not content to believe that, as I think Judas’ story is much more complicated than some dramatic lines written by a dramatic Gospel writer. The initial reaction to Judas’ betrayal is of course anger and disappointment. Judas has become synonymous with betrayal and traitorous conduct. Focusing on Judas as Jewish was used as propaganda by Nazi’s to perpetuate their message of anti-semitism and prejudice. In some orthodox and Catholic celebrations of Good Friday, Judas is even burned in effigy.

But if we look with compassion upon this story, what can we see instead?

Perhaps my favorite depiction of Judas, besides my Dad of course, comes from the musical Jesus Christ Superstar. And perhaps this is where I also learned some compassion for Judas. Andrew Lloyd Weber gave us a Judas that was confused and scared- he was terrified of the crowds and scared that Jesus was taking his message too far. He believed that the disciples, and Jesus, had gotten too caught up in their own hype to be able to stop the chain of events that had already been put into place. And while he might have been wrong on the hype front, the gospel of Matthew shows us that events were already put into place-- that the pharisees and sadducees had already made their decision. They were looking for a fall guy; And Judas delivers.

Additionally, there is a non-canonical gospel that might shed more light. The Gospel of Judas was discovered in the 1970’s and provides possible insight into the relationship between Judas and Jesus. In 2006, this gospel was finally restored, authenticated, translated, and shared publicly by the National Geographic Society. While this document was not written by Judas himself, and put together by gnostics sometime within a 100 or two years of Jesus’ death. This gospel does say that Jesus knew what was about to happen and personally chose Judas to be the one who identified Jesus to the authorities. Jesus also tells Judas that Judas will be replaced among the disciples and hated for generations. Can we trust this gospel? It’s difficult to know, because it does contradict the 4 canonical gospels, but it does give some additional insight. And it gives us a bigger picture of who Judas might have been.

No matter what gospel we read or what fictional portrayal we like best, by the time we get to this moment in the upper room, by the time we get to Judas’ betrayal, a series of events has already been unfolding. And Jesus knew exactly what was about to happen. We are told at the very beginning of this reading that “Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart from this world and go to the Father.” Jesus knew that the events were about to come to a head and that they would culminate in his death. He. Knew.

But Judas is an easy mark- he was an easy mark for the p/s and he’s an easy mark for us. The man who betrayed Jesus with a kiss. The one who sold out our savior for a few coins. But here’s where that logic fails. It’s really easy to place the blame on someone when one action confirms the story we’d like to believe. It’s easy to separate Judas out from the rest of his three years with Jesus and boil his existence down to this one moment of a kiss and 30 coins.

And here’s where compassion is key. It is easy to reduce any one person to what we see as their biggest mistake.

We do it all the time- to celebrities, to family, to friends, to politicians. We reduce a person to their biggest mistake and then perpetually judge them based on that mistake. It is so easy. Even if they ask for forgiveness, even if they do the work of reconciliation, even if the person they hurt has forgiven them… we reduce them to that moment. Even if they have served- even if they have loved so deeply that they break themselves into pieces, we reduce them to that moment.

Judas is not a one dimensional character. He is not entirely created out of this one moment. Judas is one of the original 12 disciples. That means he was with Jesus throughout the entirety of his ministry, minus one day. He was there for the miracles, there for the parables, there for the work. For three years, Judas did the work of a disciple. He likely kept the treasury for the group, but there’s also speculation he stole from it. He wasn’t perfect.

When Jesus mentions that a disciple will betray him, he doesn’t do so with anger or blame- rather stating “I know whom I have chosen. But it is to fulfill the scripture, ‘The one who ate my bread has lifted his heel against me.” And then Jesus shared bread with Judas. He did not exclude Judas from the meal. It was only after receiving the bread that Judas left to do what Jesus commanded him to do, saying, “Do quickly what you are going to do.” And only then did Judas leave to betray him. It’s not as simple as money = kiss = betrayal. But we sure do like to reduce it to that.

What is even more important, are the words that Jesus says AFTER Judas has left.

I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.

I don't think it’s any coincidence that this is what Jesus tells the disciples in the moments after Judas has left. It’s instructional-- Some stuff is going to go down- but love each other anyway. I’m going to die, but love each other anyway. Things are going to be hard, but love each other anyway. I mean, isn’t that just like something Jesus would do? Turn a moment of realization and pain into a lesson for his disciples (and consequently us?). This is going to be hard. LOVE EACH OTHER ANYWAY.

Encountering Judas during this moment, during this passover meal and foot washing, is a powerful reminder of Jesus’ compassion. Despite what was about to happen, Jesus’ commandment was to love.

When Judas realizes what he has done and is met with the frightening clarity of the results of his actions; he truly realizes his role. Does he celebrate what he has done? Is he proud? No. He is devastated. He is broken by his actions. He is so broken by his actions that, according to Matthew, he hangs himself. Here is a person who has made one of the most notable mistakes in all of history, and feels so much remorse and sadness that he takes his own life. These are not the actions of a man who is proud of his contribution. These are not the actions of a person who deserves all of our ire. This is not a person who deserves all of the blame. This is a person who deserves our compassion.

But Jesus’ commandment was for the Disciples to love, and it is for us to love, and loving someone assumes that we will have compassion for them. But compassion isn’t only a Jesus concept or a Christian concept. It’s a life concept- it’s the practice of letting go of one’s own perspective long enough to feel someone else’s pain.

And this is where I come back to my dad. I was able to see the good qualities of my dad in the character he was portraying. Watching my dad play Judas taught me compassion. Knowing my dad and his love for his church, his love for his family, and his compassion for the patients he cared for as their pharmacist somehow helped me see Judas as more than just the moment of betrayal, but as a whole person who loved Jesus, loved his fellow disciples, and cared for the people they encountered to the point of fighting with Jesus over the use of costly oil.

And here’s where it gets a little hard to hear. If we do not see ourselves in Judas, we cannot see ourselves in Christ. But also, and more uncomfortably,- If we cannot have compassion for Judas, we cannot have compassion for Jesus. If our sadness at the crucifixion does not include sadness for Judas too? We have failed in our calling to love.

So while I’m not up here in a faded mustard yellow bathrobe, and I’ve left my bag of quarters at home. I hope you’ll learn the same thing from me that I learned from my dad- compassion for Judas is part of the story.

Watch Rev. Yowler deliver this sermon: