As you know, we will be spending the next three months discussing together John Wesley’s rules for living. While initially, we might believe that these rules are a history lesson, something quaint written down years ago that doesn’t really apply to us, the reality is that these three simple rules hold great relevancy today. These three rules contain sound advice for our current time and if followed, will lead us to more closely following the ways of Jesus and becoming more faithful people. The rules are indeed quite simple: Do no harm. Do good. Stay in love with God. But following these rules? Not quite as simple as we’d like to think.
The truth is that words hurt.
Take the first rule, for example. “Do no harm, by avoiding evil of every kind, especially that which is most generally practiced.” That seems simple enough. Sure, we do no harm. That’s an easy one. We don’t go around killing people or intentionally hurting people. Right? But John Wesley says, avoiding Evil of every kind, ESPECIALLY that which is most generally practiced. He’s not talking about the big things, He’s talking about the every day kinds of evil, the every day kinds of harm—the easy kind of harm to commit. Harm is a little more insidious than we realize. When we look at it a little more closely, we realize that we DO do harm. We don’t recycle and therefore harm the environment. We don’t prevent hunger and therefore do harm. But worst of all, we open our mouths and speak…and those words cause deep and lasting harm.
We’ve all heard “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” or perhaps, “I’m rubber you’re glue whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.” Oh, if these things were only true. The truth is that words hurt. The words we say and the way we say them DO stick. They DO cause harm.
They said horrible things and then showed up for church on Sunday morning and took communion.
When I was in Middle School and High School, I had a lot of nick names. Things like, “geek” and “nerd”. I developed early, so there were words for that too. There were nasty comments in the locker room. Nicknames like “curly” and “Dolly” (as in Parton). Of course my favorite had to be “booger” or maybe “pee yeller”. Of course those were just the names, there were other words too. The words behind my back about how that it was a good thing I was smart because I didn’t have any friends. Or perhaps, the words that said I hadn’t earned my scholarships or awards but instead had been given them because my Dad was on the school board. Those words caused harm. Those words stuck. I have to tell you that each time one of those people adds me as a “friend” on facebook those words echo loudly in my head.
But I’ve got to be brutally honest here, some of the most hurtful words I’ve ever heard have come in the church. I will never forget the words I heard from “good church people” when they were trying to get rid of a minister we had when I was a teenager . Gary was the best minister I’d ever known and he was the person who taught me about what it really means to be a Christian. Gary gave the best sermons…insightful, interesting, and easily comprehended by a 15 year old. When church members decided he was a little too odd, or that his white alb wasn’t appropriate, the words started to fly. I became so disenchanted with church people at that time. People who claimed to follow the words of Christ were backbiting, and nasty, and mean. They said horrible things and then showed up for church on Sunday morning and took communion. As a 15 year old girl, this broke my heart and left me confused about what it meant to be a good Christian. I'm sure if it hurt me, it had to hurt others as well.
George Sweeting wrote, “Contentious tongues have hindered the work of God a thousand times over. Critical tongues have closed church doors. Careless tongues have broken the hearts and health of many pastors. The sins of the tongue have besmirched the pure white garments of the bride of Christ.”[i] The fact of the matter is that we do not think before we speak. Many of us are lacking that critical filter between brain and mouth. A thought comes into our head and comes out of our mouth before we have a moment to even consider the potential harm our words might carry.
"For every species of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no one can tame the tongue." - James 3: 7-8
Words hurt. They cut deeply. And the wounds they cause can leave scars that last a lifetime. In the Ten Commandments, we were taught that we should not lie or bear false witness, in the book of James we are reminded that “How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! And the tongue is a fire. The tongue is placed among our members as a world of iniquity; it stains the whole body, sets on fire the cycle of nature, and is itself set on fire by hell. For every species of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no one can tame the tongue—a restless evil, full of deadly poison” Countless biblical writers speak against the dangers of misspoken words and untamed tongues. The power of words has always been an issue, and our modern context is no different.
In fact, it’s easier than ever for our words to be harmful in today’s world than it ever has been. Technology allows us to shoot off an e-mail while our feelings are still hurt or while we are very angry. We can send a vicious text message, we can forward e-mails others have sent us, we can forward text messages that weren’t meant to be forwarded. We can post passive aggressive facebook statuses, send rude tweets, or use myspace to harass or defame another person. Technology has given our words even more power.
Words leave the imprint of their insensitivity.
As I prepared for this sermon I came across a website that tells the stories of children who were bullied with words. These children were teased, text messaged, and e-mailed. They were the subject of venomous words. There are hundreds of these stories, but one is of a girl named Corinne. Corinne had trouble making friends, but she excelled in academics and developed ahead of the other girls in her class. She was smart and pretty. First, it started with exclusion, then, the girls in her class started to tell Corinne that she was fat and her hair was frizzy. The viciousness of the comments increased, they started writing her nasty notes, and on October 6th 2004, they wrote her notes saying that she was fat, ugly, had ratty hair and that nobody liked her and that she should just go home and kill herself. And that’s exactly what Corinne did. She came home from school and by 4pm that afternoon had killed herself with a single gunshot to her forehead.
Unfortunately Corinne’s story is not unique. Every 30 minutes in the United States, a child kills him or herself because of bullying or teasing. Words have power. Young people are going to jail and being required to register as sex offenders because of TEXT messages they send and forward to one another. Words have power. We can cause just as much damage with a word as we can with a knife or a gun. Our words have the power to cause harm. Words leave the imprint of their insensitivity. Words leave trails of hurt, and words leave pain.[ii] Words have power. Words cause harm.
If we DO speak, we must do so with Love.
So, the first step of Do no harm, is to do no harm with our words. As easy as it seems, it’s really quite difficult. It involves thinking before we speak, thinking before we type, thinking before we text. THINKing is the key here. THINK. T.H.I.N.K. Alan Redpath says, that before we speak of any person or subject we should ask ourselves:
T: Is it True?
H: Is it helpful?
I: Is it inspiring?
N: Is it necessary?
K: Is it kind?[iii]
And if we can answer NO to any of the above questions, we must not speak. And if we DO speak, we must do so with Love. We must guard our lips so that our language does not disparage, injure, or wound another child of God. [iv]
If we agree to do no harm, we can no longer gossip. If we agree to do no harm we can no longer criticize unfairly. If we agree to do no harm we will talk TO people instead of talking ABOUT people. If we agree to do no harm we will address our disagreements instead of allowing them to fester. If we agree to do no harm, we will remember that the fruits of the spirit include love, patience, kindness, and gentleness, but most of all, self-control. If we agree to do no harm, we will exercise that self-control. We will T.H.I.N.K. before we speak, and we will bear up each other in Love so that we can discover together “that we stand on common ground, inhabit a common and precious space, share a common faith, feast at a common table, and have an equal measure of God’s unlimited love.” [v]
[i] George Sweeting. The tongue: Angel or Demon? Zondervan, 1952, 77-78.
[ii] Glenda Overstreet. “Hurtful Words Linger” The Topeka Capital-Journal. July 27, 2008.
[iii] David L. Olford, A Passion for Preaching, T.Nelson Publishers,159-160.
[iv] Ruben P. Job. Three Simple Rules: A Wesleyan Way of Living. Nashville: Abingdon Press, 2007, 22.
[v]Job, 23.